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[21 Feb 2004|04:08pm] |
Bloodyeyes is no more.
It's xgunsxandxlovex... and it's friends only, MOTHER FUCKERS.
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| Goddamnit. *giggles* |
[21 Feb 2004|01:43am] |
Lyndsay:
heart ripxdclean (1:40:56 AM): so...what are you wearing right now?
heart ripxdclean (1:40:58 AM): lol
heart ripxdclean (1:40:59 AM): j/k
She LEFT in Fall (1:41:01 AM): lol
She LEFT in Fall (1:41:03 AM): Nothing, baybeh
She LEFT in Fall (1:41:17 AM): What's up?
heart ripxdclean (1:41:20 AM): oo baby lol
heart ripxdclean (1:41:24 AM): nuttin
She LEFT in Fall (1:41:38 AM): LoL
She LEFT in Fall (1:41:43 AM): In yr pants, maybeh, ;-)
She LEFT in Fall (1:41:44 AM): Kidding.
heart ripxdclean (1:41:52 AM): hahaha
She LEFT in Fall (1:42:03 AM): That was so cool dude...
Bobby:
She LEFT in Fall (1:40:24 AM): Hey, it's okay, when I drive, I'm probably going to get people killed. ;-)
KILL the old way (1:40:35 AM): Haha.
She LEFT in Fall (1:40:36 AM): I had a dream about that last night.
KILL the old way (1:40:41 AM): Scary.
She LEFT in Fall (1:40:43 AM): Haha.
She LEFT in Fall (1:40:46 AM): I hit someone on a bikeeeee.
KILL the old way (1:40:54 AM): I hit someone on a bike once.
KILL the old way (1:40:58 AM): Head on.
KILL the old way (1:41:02 AM): I was on a bike, too.
She LEFT in Fall (1:41:06 AM): >LoL
KILL the old way (1:41:10 AM): Yeah.
KILL the old way (1:41:13 AM): Except it hurt.
I fucking own. <3
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[21 Feb 2004|01:16am] |
x6Sin6Fix6x (1:13:39 AM): Only thunder gives me rest
She LEFT in Fall (1:13:49 AM): Yer mom gives me rest.
x6Sin6Fix6x (1:13:58 AM): ur cat gives me rest
She LEFT in Fall (1:14:31 AM): Prolly.
x6Sin6Fix6x (1:14:50 AM): o...
x6Sin6Fix6x (1:15:01 AM): my friend bens cat was licking my face all night :-\
She LEFT in Fall (1:15:35 AM): Haha
x6Sin6Fix6x (1:15:53 AM): very sandpapery
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| .hope.for.august. |
[20 Feb 2004|11:57pm] |
Begging Me
Laid out in the dark / Blinking at the night
And wandering away from common lies
Wishing everything would be alright
Knowing everything this wrong
You cant even sing along / With me
Everything wont be this way forever / A lie to get me through
This feeling that I get when you're alone / And I'm alive
And you're begging me to die along with you
Running in the dark / Breathing in the stars
And racing away from common ties / Knowing I'm not really free
Knowing that its been too long / You wont even sing along With me
Everything wont be this way forever / A lie to get me through
This feeling that I get when you're alone / And I'm alive
And you're begging me to die along with you
Sitting in the dark / Blinking at the wall
Considering the common lies / Knowing my lights dying out
Denying that I'm really gone / But you cant even hear the song I sing
Everything wont be this way forever / A lie to get me through
This feeling that I get when you're alone / And I'm alive
And you're begging me Begging me / Begging me to die along with you.
Thin
Is he tearing you down from the inside out / and calling it love.
Is he holding your hand / with the palm face down
Denying your past / times running out.
You've burned your bridges. / I still remember who you are
Broken and beautiful. / Four cigarettes ago
You felt alone. / I smelled it as you exhaled
Sweeter than cancer. / Lovely like tragedy
Your skin too thin to hide the shame /of being what they want to blame
Absorbed and sick and losing grace / your heart is gone with it your face
At times your stride is bulletproof / but you're so wounded
Skin too thin to hide your scars / They're killing you. They're killing you
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[20 Feb 2004|11:41pm] |
I told you you'd get mad.
I'm fucking stupid.
I'm fucking stupid.
I'm fucking stupid.
I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.I'm fucking stupid.
P.S. - Don't fucking do it. Two wrongs don't make a right... it'll just make you equally stupid and make me feel like shit, even more.
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[20 Feb 2004|05:46pm] |
I love Angie so much.
I wish I talked to her more.
It's raining, when there's still snow on the ground.
Someone please tell me I'm not going insane.
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[20 Feb 2004|05:28pm] |
I have knots in my stomach.
Everytime this happens, I feel guilty.
It was the first time blood ever came up, though.
I didn't keep trying, after that.
I feel even worse than before.
I know you'd get pissed if you found out.
I know it.
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[19 Feb 2004|11:01pm] |
1. Where in this world do you call home? No where...
2. Do you have a diary? Yeah, kind of. It doesn't leave me.
3. What's your favorite season, and why? Fall - it's fucking pretty.
4. Do you drink alcohol? If so, do you have a favorite drink? Nope Nope.
5. What's your favorite quality about yourself, physically? My eyes or my hair, sometimes.
6. Now, what's your favorite quality about yourself, emotionally - mentally - spiritually? I love that I remember sooo many things and that I own like hell at observing.
7. A hard one - what one thing about yourself would you change? I would stop being so indecisive.
8. Do you have any pets? What kind(s)? Names, ages? 3 Kitties. Pixie, Jonas, and Ophelia.
9. Rational or irrational - what is one thing you fear? Closing my eyes in the shower.
10. What's your astrological sign? Do you believe in that stuff at all? Leo. Umm, Not really, sometimes.
11. Do you believe in KARMA - as in "what goes around, comes around, baby"? Sometimes...
12. What would be your perfect, perfect day spent by yourself? Umm, being in a big city, obeserving lots of things & taking lots of pictures.
13. What would be your perfect, perfect day spent with someone you lust after? Umm, we should hang out for a while, go to a good hardcore show, and then afterwards cuddle underneath the stars and talk... who knows...
14. What's your biggest vice - c'mon, don't be shy... share! not sure you tell me...
15. I think it's pretty safe to say that ALMOST all of us (if not all of us) has had their hearts broken, or suffered terrible disappointment. Have YOU ever been the cause of anyone's heart breaking? Or perhaps caused someone great disappointment? Yeah... lets NOT go into detail... haha
6. What is ONE thing that you definitely want to do before you shuffle off this mortal coil? (DIE, lol, in case you're not into Shakespeare much) I don't fucking know.
17. Do you like pizza? What kind? Cheese and mushroom pizza, k thnx.
18. What kind of toothpaste do you use? I don't know, whatever is in my bathroom, k thnx.
19. Do you know when you were born? The date, yea, most of us know - but the time of day? Even the day of the week? I don't fucking remember.
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[19 Feb 2004|09:36pm] |
Oh man.
My hair looks emo.
What a loser.
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[18 Feb 2004|08:54pm] |
I've decided that I'm too tired all the time.
I've also decided that my psychologist just makes me want to kill stuff,
even more.
She's creepy. I'm not talking to her anymore, no.
I took a long nap. It owned, but(56666666666666666666666666666 <-- Ophelia owns.)I need more sleep. What the fuck.
Dentist to get my teefs cleaned at 8:30am tomorrow. Ohh yeah. Late for school, what what, biiiatch. ^_^
I'm a loser.
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| The sweet scent of decaying flesh only burns when I inhale. |
[17 Feb 2004|09:17pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 lethargic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Curl Up and Die |x| Ted Nugent Goes AOL |
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I don't sleep enough. Or I sleep too much. I'm not sure.
School was fucking ridiculous today.
We're getting so much homework, my head is going to burst.
Progress Reports. I have shitty grades. I don't give a fuck.
I went out to dinner with my dad, to Denny's. It sucked a fuck.
I got my package from Bobby, finally.
It's the cutest shit you'll ever see.
Bobby makes gross decisions. I still love him though.
I'm far too cynical about things as of late. I hate it.
I want to blow someones brains out.
It would be beautiful to paint the walls with such a vibrant crimson color.
What a mess.
My eyes hurt,
my shoulders hurt,
I'm tired of people that I see everyday,
hardcore is my only escape. Thank god for it.
I think I did all of my homework.
Someone should give me a cookie.
Who knows?
I got the thing back,
where it feels like I'm gonna spew... when I eat.
But I'm always hungry.
I hate it.
What's up for this weekend?
Someone want to occupy me or kidnap me?
Let me know.
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| I was five years old. My best friends older brother died. |
[16 Feb 2004|09:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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Stabbed in the chest 76 times |
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| [ |
music |
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Joshua Fit For Battle |x| Fuck the Men in Her Life |
] |
I'm not sure what to think about anyone or anything anymore.
Everything is so cloudy to me and I just don't give a fuck. I want to get out of here and start over. I'm sick of it all. As I was standing in the lobby of the vous today, waiting for my mom to pick me up, I was looking out at the highway and Seventh street. It gave me the strangest feeling in the world. I wanted to photograph it, but something was holding me back. Something was not letting me take my hands out of my pockets and get the camera to capture the moment of what seemed to be insecureties choking me to death. My shell is coming back. The one that doesn't let much get to me. You could slit my wrists and do anything you wanted to me to hurt me and it wouldn't bother me one bit, unless I really cared about you. I feel like there's a knife in my heart and my back and I don't know what to do about it.
All of our conversations are awkward now, but I know it will pass. These knots are there for invisible reasons that I've created myself. I'm good at doing that, and I'm not sure if you realize it yet. When you tell me you love me it makes some of those knots go away, but some of them remain. I'm not sure why. It's also nice to think that you're warming back up to me because you're playing the cute little 'promise' game which usually makes me smile from ear to ear, but these lips do not move. My eyes are gleaming a bit... but everything is still so cloudy. I think it's me. I'm really sorry. I just don't know what is wrong with me. I don't understand why you; or anyone, puts up with my shit.
She LEFT in Fall (9:41:52 PM): I could start walking...
KILL the old way (9:42:26 PM): Nah.
KILL the old way (9:42:32 PM): You'd get hurt.
She LEFT in Fall (9:42:35 PM): It
She LEFT in Fall (9:42:37 PM): RAWR
She LEFT in Fall (9:42:40 PM): It's possible.
KILL the old way (9:42:45 PM): Mhm.
She LEFT in Fall (9:43:07 PM): It's also possible that I miss you so fucking much it makes my insides hurt.
KILL the old way (9:43:18 PM): Probably not.
She LEFT in Fall (9:43:27 PM): Actually, it's happening right now.
KILL the old way (9:43:59 PM): What do you mean?
She LEFT in Fall (9:44:15 PM): I miss you so fucking bad that it hurts.
She LEFT in Fall (9:44:23 PM): It hurts more than anything ever has before.
KILL the old way (9:44:33 PM): I'm sorry.
KILL the old way (9:44:55 PM): How do you know it's because you miss me?
She LEFT in Fall (9:45:19 PM): Because I miss you... and that's one of the only things that could possibly hurt me right now.
Contemplation only makes things worse, but I'm starting to feel more content with myself. I have to go talk to Barbara on Wednesday, and hopefully she is nearly done evaluating me. I'm really tired of this long drawn out feeling. I'm going to kick myself when I start to realize things... but all I need now is to get away.
I feel like I could start the cutting and stuff again, but I won't. It's not going to be much use. He doesn't like it anyway, and I don't want to make him sad. Plus I'd get found out this time... I don't want that. I just want to bleed to feel something more than I feel right now.
Life is a never ending fucking task that makes me *Insert word here*. I need a soloution, and I need one fast. </3
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| Glad to know that the world isn't caving down around me in ten thousand pieces... |
[16 Feb 2004|01:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 numb |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Brand New |x| Jaws Theme Swimming |
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Last night was fucking retarted. We went to the vous for like 45mins, got kicked out. Went to walgreens and looked at cute girls in magazines. I think Andy Padilla likes crossword puzzles. Haha. Fuck yeah. Then we came back here and consumed shitty doughy pizza because Jake does NOT know how to cook a frozen pizza. Then we decided it would be a good idea to look at porn, which didn't happen because we just went on LJ and talked to people. Bobby and I were awkward. It made me sad. Rawr. Then Jake, Rob, and I listened to music and were being stupid like usual. Pity Party core. Oh yeah.
Yesterday I met two cute girls. Amanda and Maggie. They're rad.
I think in a little bit I'm going to the vous with Jake, Rob, and Jerikah, and then maybe to visit Lindsay until I have a ride home. I suck.
I feel like I've been hit my a truck and someone left me outside to freeze.
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[16 Feb 2004|03:02am] |
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mood |
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IM A FUCKING ASSHOLE |
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| [ |
music |
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Jake and Rob talking, Bob Lintjer choking on alcohol |
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I woke up way too fucking late today. I don't like doing that. I'm at Rob's with Jake and Rob right now. yeah, you fucking suck. Maybe not. We went to the Vous. Jake is a pussy. Sorry Jake, I love you. You own. Rob owns, too. They're both being funny now. I'm an asshole.
I think this awkwardness sucks dick, Bobby Jones. I want to go slit my wrists because I'm a dick and I fail at life. Why the hell do I make people so pissed off and unhappy? What the hell.
I hope tomorrrow will be better.
I'm going to go be emo andfuck off now.
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[15 Feb 2004|04:07am] |
I suck at life.
I quit.
I'm sure you'll be glad to know it.
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| Happy Fucking V-day. |
[14 Feb 2004|06:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bored |
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| [ |
music |
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Every Time I Die |x| Morphine Season |
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Last night: I was supposed to hang out with Rob, Sara, Mandie, and Jake. It didn't happen, and that's okay. I called Lindsay and told her she should go to the Cool Hand Luke show with me. We went. The Chiodos Brothers, Hope for August, Sullivan, and Harriet Beecher Stowe played. We left during CHL because Java Joe's sucks and you couldn't hear their vocals for shit. The Chiodos Bros and Hope for August owned. Sullivan was just... eh. Yeah. No. We talked to the boys from TCB and a boy from HFA. They were all super nice. We stood outside with the boys from TCB and froze as we talked, waiting for my mommy to pick us up. We got a lot of pictures. Then we went to taco bell and got nachos. Came home, ate, listened to music a lot. Then I talked to Bobby for like, a million hours until my phone started to die. FUCK YOU CELL PHONES WITH LIMITED BATTERY POWER!!!!!!!! Oh well.
Today: Woke up around 11:30am. Talked to Lindsay for a while, went and got food. Called Bobby and talked to him for 45mins and made cookies at the same time. I FUCKING OWN. Jake called while I was talking to Bobby but I was kind of busy so we didn't get to talk. Yeah, oh well. Happy V-day mother fuckers. I didn't get my package from Bobby... but he got mine. Rawrrr. I'm sad. I don't think he got the other half though because delivery services are gHey and so are postal services. I hate them all. Lindsay is still here. I'm bored out of my mind and feel fat as hell from eating far too many no bake cookies and drinking far too much mountain dew. Plus I've been listening to a lot of Hardcore and stuff. yeah...
I found a tape of me and many other classmates from 6th grade. I was so fucking bad ass, skipping school all the time, cutting my wrists and shit. LOSER. Yeah. I was a little porker, too. I quit, yo.
I want something to do and I WANT MY PENGUIN! =(
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| FUCKING DO IT OR ILL CRY!!! |
[11 Feb 2004|08:53pm] |
1. Am I cute?
2. Am I hot?
3. Am I sweet?
4. Am I crazy?
5. Am I lovable?
6. Am I funny?
7. Am I annoying?
8. Am I psycho?
9. Am I daring?
10. Am I a good person?
Would You...
11. Hug me?
12. Miss me if I was gone?
13. Listen to my problems?
14. Hug me if I cried?
15. Be a good friend?
16. Ever go out with me?
17. If you already have would you do it again?
18. Kiss me?
19. Marry me if you could?
20. Ever talk bad about me if we ever broke up?
How Well Do You Know Me?
21. When's my birthday?
22. How old am I?
23. What school do I go to?
24. Do I have any siblings (& their names)?
25. Who is my most current ex?
26. Who is my best friend?
27. Who am I crushing on/dating?
28. Favorite animal?
29. Favorite sport?
30. Favorite TV show?
31. Favorite song/songs?
32. Favorite music group?
Who Am I?
33. What T.V. star do I most remind you of?
34. What song would you dedicate to me?
35. What famous person do I most resemble?
If You Could...
36. Give me a new name, what would it be and why?
37. Hook me up with someone (real), who would it be and why?
38. Do one thing with me what would it be and why?
39. Drop me one piece of advice, what would it be?
Few More Questions
40. What do you love about me?
41. What do you hate about me?
42. What is my best quality?
43. If you could change one thing about me what would it be?
44. What is your honest opinion of me?
45. Do you love me?
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[09 Feb 2004|07:38pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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Rawr - Fuck you |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Radiohead |x| 2+2=5 |
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Go look at weareheartcore...
I love you so fucking much, Bobby Jones.
School is evil.
I fuckinghate people. Someone come kidnap me. I quit.
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[09 Feb 2004|01:05am] |
Why is it that every time I go from one place to another, I go back to where I was thinking that he will surprise me and be there?
I don't want to wait until March. No, no I don't. I don't at all. I want to be with him RIGHT NOW. =(
*pouts*
SOMEONE -- MAKE ME A MIXTAPE! =D
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